I've always been very pro-choice. But I'm having a dilema?

Question

My sister is 19 had been having very irregular periods (going several months at a time with no period). After a trip to the gynecologist, she was told she has polycistic ovarian syndrome at that it would be very difficult for her to conceive. I suppose she understood it as near impossible.

Last time I was home, she told me she hadn't had her period in over 6 months. I asked if she had taken a pregnancy test and she said she had taken several, but they all came back negative. I told her she needed to go to a doctor, but she refused to see a male gyn as the female ones in our area do not take her insurance.

She started to have very bad pains in her side and she went to the ER. There, she was told she is 18 weeks pregnant. She's heavier set, combined with already irregular periods so I suppose that's why she hadn't noticed.

We live in New York, so 2nd trimester abortions are available and she's very set on having one (having threatened to do it herself if she couldn't get one). I support her decision, as does the father of the child, but I can't help feeling conflicted. She wants me to come down to the city and stay with her for the two day procedure. I said I would, but I'm feeling very nervous about it.

I'm very pro-choice, having been active with feminist organizations. I helped organize an abortion speak out on my college campus. But at nearly five months, well.. I always felt there has been a grey area.

I guess my question is, should I continue to support her decision (because ultimately it's hers and hers alone) and go with her? Or.. I don't know.. What should I do? I can't help feeling put off by this whole thing.

**Note: No bible thumping lunatics here. I'm not interesting in isane "omg its a baby murderer!!!!111" or "behave like an adult, now act like an adult" crap. Pregnancy isn't a punishment for sex and I think abortion is an adult decision when you know you can't mentally/physically handle adoption/raising the child**
She and I are both aware of how far into development the fetus is. I'm looking for rational advice.

Answer 1

I know how you feel. I am pro choice because I believe that only I can make decisions about my body, not some 60 something politician in Washington.

But, at the same time, I personally could never go through with an abortion, thats just not me.

I say if you sister wants it, be as supportive as you can. In a non threatening way, tell her how you feel, but you must realize it is her decision. I know it is difficult to keep quiet and go along with things considering her condition, but I'm sure she has weighed the pros and cons, and she might just not be ready for a child.

Stay strong for her, thats what she will need the most.

Answer 2

I was always completely pro-choice too.

Until my best friend got pregnant...with twins.

She wanted an abortion and for some reason I didn't want to hear it. I don't know why, it wasn't my decision? She had missed 3 appointments to get it done which I thought was divine intervention. (I'm not religious though?) First our boss was coming, and she HAD to be at work. Then her car got towed the morning of her appointment. Then her grandma died and the funeral was the day of her third appointment. I was excited. She actually made the final 4th appointment though. I was very disappointed in her. I can't explain it...I was so confused because i WAS pro-choice.



Then I got pregnant. Right now isn't a great time in my life but I have the means to care for a baby and I decided that abortion was not for me. Why? I still can't explain it. I know you wanted rational, but sometimes life is irrational. The best I can explain it is: In theory, the choice to have an abortion is AWESOME. But in practice, it just doesn't feel right.



Good Luck.

Answer 3

Yes, you should continue to support her. It's not your decision to make, but not supporting her at a difficult time pretty much will end any relationship you have with her.



I took a friend to have an abortion at 23 weeks. I didn't agree with it, but it didn't matter. This was my friend and so long as she got some counseling, I was there for her.



For all you know, she was drinking, taking illicit drugs or other unsafe things for a fetus and has decided it would be unfair to force a child to bear the handicap for it.

Answer 4

i know your the one asking the question but im kinda confused if i was told i couldnt have children or nearly impossible to have child and then was told i was 18weeks pregnant i myself would be in shock but what if this is the only chance she can have a child.? i understand she is wanting an abortiion and i myself im prolife but i respect anyones decision(s). i guess im just confused about the situation. my best advice is let her know that you are there for her and just be honest let her know that your have conflicting emotions and whatever she decides you'll be there for her. i have 2 older sisters im the baby and if my sister stood behind me and supported my decision either way that would make me respect her so much more cuz she let me make an adult decision. gl!

Answer 5

It is really up to you. You can support your sister in this without really supporting her choice. Many will disagree, but you don't have to sit there and tell her she is doing the right thing and had no other choice etc, but you can be there and tell her you know it is hard and you are there for her. If you don't think you can handle that, you need to be upfront and tell her that you are sorry, that it is her choice, but that you are having a really hard time with it and you just don't know if you can go with her.

Answer 6

I understand your dilemma, you are pro choice, but this is affecting you personally since she is your sister. but think of it this way, this is a medically necessary procedure (in other words, not a form of "birth control"). With all of her health problems she could be in a lot of danger as well as the baby. I say continue to support her. I'm sure part of her is saddened by all of this too.