I Need Child Custody Advice, Please HELP!?

Question

Please only people that KNOW about the laws and can give great legal advice.

My fiance', Derek and I have been together for a year. He has a 5 year old daughter, Charity. She has lived with him/us for the past 2 years. When she was born her mother, Amanda didn't put Derek's name on her birth certificate, so by the state of Delaware, I don't think he has any parental or biological rights. But after she was born, she refused to let him see her whatsoever, even though he paid her $100 a week child support, EVERY single week, he paid her out of the kindness of his heart to help support his daughter. When her life got a little difficult after having 2 more children she finally gave Charity to Derek and he's had her ever since. But the entire time she's been with us, Amanda hasn't paid any child support, bought anything for her, wasn't there on her birthday, or got her anything for holidays, and probably only saw her all of about 20 times in 2 years. When she moved about 10 miles away from us I even went out of my way to pick Amanda and her other children up so she could spend time with Charity. I have babysat for her, given her hand-me-downs of Charity's for her other children, and everything. Now all of a sudden, she takes her from us, with no warning or anything. (Inside story: She's very jealous of me, because 1-I have raised Charity for the past year and 2-Because Derek's mother also hates me, and has been putting 'stories' in her head about me that aren't true.) But anyways, she only lets Derek come over to HER house to see Charity for a couple hours on Sunday. She won't let him leave with her. She refuses to let me see or talk to her at ALL. Now she is trying to put a restraining order on me when I have been nothing but civil towards her. And if we have her served custody papers, Derek is afraid she'll stop letting him see her until the entire trial is over.

She lives with her grandmother(very mean, abusive person), she has no job, 2 younger daughters, lives off of child support and food stamps.

Derek is a manager at a car dealership and makes very good money. Right now we're in a rut, because we just moved back into town, and we haven't found a place to live yet so we've been staying in a hotel. Everything we pay for is out of pocket, no welfare or food stamps.

Charity wants to be with us, her mother is keeping her there against her will and filling her head with junk. She smokes pot, drinks, takes pills. And half the time she pawns Charity off to friends and family to babysit so she can go party. She's an ex-stripper, and is not anywhere close to being a decent role model or positive influence in her life.

I am losing my mind, I don't know what to do. I haven't seen her in almost 2 weeks now and I've been so depressed. I've taken care of her for the past year every day while Derek works, she even started calling me Mommy, and she loves me so much and now her real mother won't let her see me.

The sick part about this entire thing is that all of this is to try to get Derek to leave me, his mother is a horrible person and she wants me out of the picture, and they all think that if they can get it to the point where Derek has to choose between me or his daughter, that I would go away. And I'm not going anywhere, I'm a way better parent than Amanda will ever be and I want to raise her into a beautiful wonderful person...
I need some serious legal advice, because I don't even know where to start. Someone please help me...

Answer 1

Find a custody lawyer who can help you. From your side of the story it sounds like you guys have a really good chance at custody. Since he is not listed on the BC as father, a paternity test will probably be required. The court will also set up temporary custody arrangements during the process so she won't be able to keep his daughter away from him. You also really need to get out of the hotel. The court will favor her for being in a house even if she has all that crap around.

Answer 2

I'm dealing with a similar issue, only difference is my son is 19 months. We split up when he was 11 months. Most men have the misconception that the mother is the "custodial parent or primary caregiver" by default, however depending on your states laws that is totally untrue. For example in the state of Maryland both parents are presumed to have a shared custody be default until a court order is established meaning you could take your son and never give him back and there would be nothing she could do about it LEGALLY. My lawyer has charged me $5K to work for me. First thing i did was establish an emergency visitation order because of the random visits i was receiving. Don't get discouraged if you don't receive the outcome you are looking for because no custody arrangement is final. But its important that you defend yourself this go-round and make it to all court dates with or without a lawyer to show the judge you are interested in making decisions in your sons life. Otherwise she can get a default judgement or if you decide later you don't like the way things are going the judge is going to need a significant reason why you think he should reconsider custody arrangements. She didn't make the child by herself and you guys can continue the arrangement you already have with a shared custody agreement. However if she gets sole custody she can do what she wants and if she doesn't something you don't agree with there is nothing you can do, but be mad. Ask her why is it important she has sole custody....most women can't tell you why especially if you are spending time with your kid and financially supporting him.

Answer 3

ok what a mess.... yes you need to get a lawyer and get out of the hotel. You can find cheap apts for just about the same amout as a hotel even if it is not something you want it needs to be done before you go to court. You need to also call social service on the mom. They will do a unexpected visit to living conditions. I know this part sound vindictive, but a child is involve. You can investigate her with out hiring a Private investagator even though a PI will be much better. Just get a camara and follow her. Try and get pics of her out at the bar, doing drugs any thing that you can hold against her. Start making a log book of times you have called, times your husband has been to her house everything involving her. Your husband needs to start keeping record of the child support he has paid. If he has been paying by check, you can go to your bank and get a print out of all the past checks as proof he has paid. If he has been giving her cash.. change to checks so she can not say he hasn't paid anything. As this will end up in court, start getting letters from friends, school, doctor stating that You and your husband have been the care givers in the time she has been with you. The school might not get involved though.

Hope this helps.



If you ever need to talk or need advise.. you can e-mail me at shady1296@yahoo

Answer 4

If you have Medical records of the time YOU took the girl to the regularly check ups that should help show that you take care of her. and her mother doesn't. school records also. basically anything that would have yours her your husbands name on it as being her guardian. at a certain point. and when the judge interviews the girl. they should be smart enough to tell who the girl really wants to be with. or a Specialist could do a Psychiatric evaluation on her and see where her feelings lie.



also, private investigators will do wonders for you guys also. once he discovers the true workings of this lady. it should be a cinch to win custody. and yeh. tricky situation still. you'd need a professional Lawyer for this one. there should be free consulations all over the place. but first find out if the lawyer takes payment before or After service is rendered and won.

Answer 5

It's best if you two get some legal advice from a lawyer. Filing for custody is really his best option and should be done anyway to stop these things from happening in the future.

Answer 6

im sorry for this this happened to me i raised my niece for 4 years tell her mom came and decided to be a mom she found a navy man got knocked up and married him in 3 months and then said hell adopt her we spent 20 k on lawyers to not go to court we just stopped and walked away i know your pain she called me mommy but he can get a dna test and that will put him on the birth certificate and then he can start fighting and clearly shes not fit so it should be easier then our id think they get a guardian and she do research and tell the judge she might talk to the child he self to see what she wants but usually they don't since there young and im thinking you have a pretty good case here i didn't since grandparents and family of the children don't have rights im so sorry you have to feel this kind of pain remember you cant get over this but you can get through this your in my prayers in thought i know how hard it is you need to grieve and just fight let her know that you do love her and care don't just walk away cause she know one day just get a lawyer that's what y need 2 do it will help and i believe u guys have a chance at getting her back from what you said