Unmarried, young mom, raising my daughter on my own without the father, what are my rights to custody?

Question

The story goes like this my boyfriend of 3 years stepped out of the equation a few months after I got pregnant. He claim she wasn't his and he wanted nothing to do with either of us. We didn't talk after that and I now have a beautiful daughter who I love dearly. I take care and provide everything for her I have stepped up to the plate and grown up a lot in light of my hard situation. After my daughter was born the father texted me and said and I quote "I wish she didn't exist" "you should give her up for adoption" and "her life would be better suited far away from here". (I kept all these texts as evidence of him not wanting anything to do with her). Then a few days ago (my daughter is only a month old) he texts me again and says he wants a paternity test and he was going to a lawyer to get one ordered. He has made it quite clear to me and to our entire town (its a small town) that he wants absolutely nothing to do with her at all but now I worry that I may have to give over visitation to him and when he says that he wishes she didn't even exist I worry of what he would do to her. Please note he has an awful temper, has no idea how to care for a child and is completely self absorbed and irresponsible. His family is also quite violent in their household his young teenage brothers are uncontrollable and I have witnessed them pull knives on each other. Also his parents are going through a very heated divorce but are still living in the same house. My theory on his sudden interest in the daughter he never wanted is that he doesn't want anything to do with her but his mother does. His mom is controlling she says jump he says how high even though he is 18 and should take responsibility for his own actions. On facebook he posted that his mother would have to drug him to get him to comply with a paternity test (I also have a copy of this too). I worry that if he gets any rights my daughter would be in danger with him. I also have the problem of my family moving out of state, I live in PA now but I planned to attend college in Utah and my parents and siblings were moving there as well for better opportunity. We have other family in UT as well. But I won't be able to leave if he gets any kind of custody. So basically the fathers crazy and wishes she didn't exist, he wants a paternity test and has gone to a lawyer, his name is not on the birth certificate, I'm 17 he is 18 and the baby is a month old, at the time we are both in PA, I have not asked for any kind of support from him, and when he left me I made other plans to better my daughter and my future (moving to Utah) but now I don't know what to do I have a meeting with an attorney next week but I need some advise on what's going to happen. I'm a good mom and I'm responsible and I've given up so much and he hasn't given up anything I'm going to college I'm working and I take care of her 24/7 plus I'm finishing high school at home. Please lend me any advice at all. Will I be able to move because I'm a minor and must go with my parents? Is there any way my evidence of what he has said about her and his parenthood hold up in a custody battle to prevent him getting visitation? If I get sole custody can I move? Any thing else you may like to add is welcome. Only serious answers please.

Answer 1

If his name is NOT on the child's birth certificate, MOVE. Pack up and leave the state right away with your family. Claim that you do not know who the child's father is. He will have to pay a lawyer and demand a dna test. Most deadbeat dads won't go to the trouble of this. If his family pushes for it, it will be a long process. After months of battling the courts it is possible he could get visitation. Since she is so young and never known her father they will probably make him go to your state to visit. If he has no criminal background, eventually she will have to go to PA for summer/holiday visitation. Just take things a step at a time. It's good that you are talking with an attorney. My guess is that your ex is just trying to scare you and probably has not seen a lawyer yet. good luck

Answer 2

I don't know the law in Pennsylvania, but generally speaking all the things you are holding onto, as well as information about the family circumstances and history of violence, will be very relevant to the court. If he does get a paternity test he will have to pay child support, but his family history and circumstances may preclude him from getting custody. However, he may be entitled to visitation (possibly supervised by an officer of the court or other neutral party.) Certainly if he has ever been violent toward you, you should make sure you have police reports on that.

You may still be able to move even if he proves paternity - there are plenty of people who have children that live in other states. I don't think they can force a minor to be emancipated from her own parents and live away from them, just for visitation to a non-custodial father.

Some states do take grandparent's rights very seriously, so it may be possible for the grandmother to get visitation if paternity is proved. That really depends on state law, and some of it is the judge's discretion.

Generally speaking, I would say take all the documentation to your lawyer, and ignore everything the father says and does. Do not reply in any way if he texts or calls you, and don't talk about it to anyone outside your immediate family. If he is from a manipulative and abusive home, he will use anything you say to keep you caught up in his drama. Just ignore him and be patient with the legal process. He is saying those things to hurt you and provoke you, because that is what he has learned from his family as a way to control people. If you respond in any way you are stuck in his game.

And if you don't feel like your lawyer is working hard for you, or supportive of your best interests, find another one. Not all lawyers are equal, and it is a relationship that has to have good communication.

Answer 3

The lawyer will tell your bf that if he seeks paternity, he will then be forced to pay for child support. You can also get him for half of any maternity costs (i.e. hospital charges) for both you and your daughter.



In addition, go to the police station and ask if there is any information about arrests for him or his parents. If there is, ask them how you can have this information included should this go before a judge. In my harassment case, they had a form where I filled out my court date, the judge and forwarded that arrest history directly to the judge in my case rather than release the info to me (I didn't have an attorney).

Answer 4

THe laws of the state of Pennsylvania will be the final determining factor. You will know much more when you discuss this with the attorney. Not ot be harsh, but I expect one of the questions they will ask is why were you with this person for 3 years if he was so unstable? You need to start thinking of a reasonable and fairly accurate answer.



I understand how you feel, but this man will always be the child's father. She will always be his responsibility whether he chooses to take the responsibility or not.

Answer 5

I doubt if he would get custody but I do think he will get visitation if he asks for it. Do have him get the paternity test, so your child can have child support. Until then, he has no rights and no responsibilities.

Answer 6

if both parents are on the birth certificate ONLY in the state of FLORIDA do BOTH parents have equal rights until they go to court to change them.. BUT in any other state in the US, even of both parents are on the birth certificate the mother has more rights the father and the father has to take the mother to court to get visitation.

Answer 7

You have all that proof just show the court. Also its more likely a woman to keep the child. With him saying he wish she wasn't here that's enough to show he may do harm.

Answer 8

you wanted to keep the baby and play "grown up" so now you have to deal with the drama. GET A LAWYER. That's what a grown up would do, because we know how to deal with legal issues.



You SHOULD have gotten an abortion. You're forcing this baby to grow up without a stable home and father. You've ruined your and the father's lives. You've become a burden to your family. You were very selfish to have this baby.



The things he has said doesn't affect his ability or lack there of to regarding parenting skills. It simply means he is a typical teen/young adult who didn't want his life ruined by a child.